Most students crave academic validation and the feeling that comes with being recognized, but when can it be taken too far? On the other hand, what can happen when validation isn’t given enough? Some parents (or guardians) have no interest in their kids’ schooling, while others, who may hold the best intentions for their children, can hurt them by becoming too involved. When addressing a child’s success, adults need to recognize that kids need a balance between enthusiasm and indifference regarding their grades.
While it is perfectly fine to value the opinions of others, there should be a limit as to how far you internalize their beliefs. For myself and the majority of my peers, making the adults in our lives proud is one of our top priorities. I constantly see my friends stressing over what their parents’ reaction will be to a bad test grade instead of reflecting on what they could have done better. Nurith Aizenman, a writer for NPR, covered the effects of adults’ level of involvement in their child’s schoolwork. Aizenman said, “Sometimes a parent’s determination to give a child the best possible start becomes the very thing that gets in the way.” Often, parents believe they are doing the right thing by constantly praising their children for their accomplishments. In reality, they are doing more harm than good, setting their kids up for a lifetime of feeling like they’re never doing enough.
Alfie Kohn, an expert on parent and human behavior, was referenced in an article written by Kenneth Barish. Barish said, “Kohn believes that frequent praise may create in children a hunger for external approval and a long-term sense of insecurity. He warns that our children may become, in this way, ‘praise junkies.’” When it’s time for children to leave their homes and go off into the real world, they will expect praise after every minor accomplishment. Most likely, they won’t be able to proceed confidently with their task if they don’t receive it. When parents push too hard, the effects can be detrimental on a child and affect them long after they’re out of school.
As for when praise isn’t given enough, it’s easy to end up having no faith in yourself, unable to believe that you are capable of difficult things. You think that because you aren’t receiving any excitement about your achievements, you’re doing something wrong. NPR reached out to their audience to hear about their experiences with the issue. Rebecca Wills responded by saying, “The schools and teachers didn’t have that many resources and my parents never had dreams for us of further education beyond high school. They couldn’t imagine it, and so I didn’t either.” When you expect great things from yourself but see that no one else does, you feel ashamed for ever feeling so confident in your abilities.
Praise is not a bad thing, as long as you’re not dependent upon it. It’s impossible to not seek encouragement, especially from those closest to you. You look up to your parents and their beliefs about you determine how you look at yourself, but you need to remember that your own opinion is the one that matters most.
