Proposal Inflation

by F. Timothy Mountain, Lead Satirist

As of recent, I have noticed a phenomenon occurring in our school, which parallels some of the central dogmas of economics. Students of economics (and the majority of other people) are very familiar with money’s value’s innate tendency to decrease temporally- What we call “inflation.” It seems as if marriage proposals, as well as more locally to our school, “promposals,” are inflating in the same way that money does.

It appears that each proposal needs to be bigger and better than the one before it, and for this reason, I have coined it with the moniker “Proposal Inflation.”

All of this, of course, is just something to think about. I am not necessarily saying that this inflation is something that is benevolent or malevolent, just that it exists. It is something that is interesting to think about, at least for me.
Well, I ran out of things to write about on that topic, so here is a list of fresh, rarely-attempted ways you could ask that special someone to prom, if you’re still itching for some clever ideas.

  • Buy them a bag of dog food, write “PROM?” on a piece of paper and staple to bag of dog food- Everybody can use a nice bag of dog food, especially dog owners
  • Record Mr. Corby’s voice on a song asking them to prom, tell them it’s your voice. Nobody can resist the angelic voice of Mr. Corby
  • Put a flame retardant material in your toaster, write “PROM?” on it, and time it so the toaster pops up right as they’re walking by
  • Ask them in front of their mom- They could never say no!
  • Ask them in front of your mom- They could DEFINITELY never say no!
  • Create a humanoid robot that looks exactly like you to ask them to prom for you
  • Sharpen your pencil, then ask them to prom
  • Prom
  • Go to school
  • Eat breakfast at Denny’s
  • Given
  • The Giver
  • Matt Wahlberg
  • Sdgsdfth
  • J;;.
  • h