The Chronicles of Anthony D’Onofrio

The Glen Echo talked to the one and only Anthony D’Onofrio, the most interesting man in the world next to that guy in the commercials.


Photo Credit: Pat Lawless

Holding a memorable classic from his childhood, Anthony D’Onofrio is one of the winners of the pickleball tournament and a member of the basketball team.

by Pat Lawless, Staff Writer

Anthony D’Onofrio is a fun-loving senior that loves his Pandas and always looks to be featured in The Glen Echo by Pat Lawless.

PL: We are here live with Anthony D’Onofrio. Anthony how are you today?

AD: (Laughs) It’s funny you asked that.

PL: Ok… Well, I know you are a big Goldfish fan. What is your favorite flavor and why?

AD: Flavor blasted extra cheddar. I mean that bag just sells it by itself. You just look at it and want it. Oh, and forget about it when you open it. The flavor, the taste, and it’s great especially when there is extra-extra cheddar.

PL: If you could be an animal, what animal would you be and why?

AD: A tapir…Check it out on google images.

PL: How do you feel about Mike Bernechea?

AD: Kid is out of his mind. I mean the kid is just crazy. He only does what he wants. Like do you help anyone else besides yourself? Noooo.

PL: What is your favorite game to play in gym?

AD: Favorite gym game, wow… Probably pickleball because Danny Hahn and I are the best in the school. We won the tournament this past year. We never lost; we went 7-0 in the whole tournament. You know, we started out the tournament with Danny in the front and me in the back, but we only won by like seven so it was a bit close. We switched and you know I’m pretty consistent in the back. I’m a low-risk high-reward kind of guy. We got Dan in the front spiking and making all of the highlight plays but quietly, c’mon, we all know without me you can forget about it. So, yeah, we won and got a silver pickleball that says ‘Champions’ on it. We are the best… like [sic] I want to make that clear… We’re the best. I just wanted to make sure I emphasized that. So, yeah, if anyone wants to challenge Danny and I you won’t win because we are the best.

PL: If you could be a sidekick to any teacher in the school who would it be? Like you are Robin and the teacher is Batman. Who is your Batman?

AD: Well, this is already a silly situation because I’d be Batman. But I am a fan of that guy. I don’t know his name, but he is really cool. You have him second period I think.

PL: I have Mrs. Sneyers second period.

AD: Third Period?

PL: I have Mr. Manziano.

AD: MR. MANZIANO! Love that guy. He comes to my option every once in a while, and I haven’t had a conversation with him any longer than “Hey how are ya?” but what a great guy. I mean he’s down to earth and is a nice guy.

PL: So, why would he be a good Batman?

AD: I don’t know.

PL: What do you think about the basketball season?

AD: Well, [our record is] respectable. We should have won the first game. We all played our hearts out and showed we could have gotten the W, but we had a couple unfortunate plays. We bounced back with two great wins, so we are looking good. I’m injured now with my hip pointer. It’s quite a nagging injury. I have some mild tendon damage, so it isn’t severe [though] neither is it minor. I would say it’s intermediate. I’m going to be out for three weeks which is pretty rough. I got the doctor’s note now, so I can’t participate in gym. The team will do fine without me; I have plenty of confidence in them.

PL: Why is it that whenever you laugh you hurt your hip pointer?

AD: (Laughs) Well, not anymore. It is starting to heal. Originally, you are right I did say it hurt to laugh, sneeze, and cough. I was told by my doctor that the hip pointer is attached to a lot of ligaments and tendons so it’s going to your leg, your back… so it really affects a lot of your body. It’s a lot different than a lot of people think. They think Oh you just have a bruise and I say I don’t just have a bruise if I just had a bruise I’d be playing man.

PL: What do you think about Jake McMahon and his hats?

AD:  To be honest I hate how loosely he wears his hats. I don’t know how you can wear it loosely on your head. It’s just not comfortable, man.

PL: What about the variety of his hats?

AD: Well, he doesn’t have as many hats as people think. I mean the guy only has like two hats. He wears two hats the whole year. He just wears two hats.

PL: A lot of people say that you look like Tom Hanks. Is that true?

AD: Yeah, I mean I would say more of a young Tom Hanks. You know when he is really looking sharp in his prime. But, after that, there is not much Tom Hanks going on. Yeah… basically just a young Tom Hanks when he is looking sharp.

(Teacher Mr. Joe Sutera happens to sit down next to us.)

PL: Well, here at The Glen Echo we like to get second opinions on things. So, Coach Sutera do you think Anthony looks like Tom Hanks?

SUTERA: No absolutely not. I don’t think there is the slightest resemblance.

AD: Well, yeah I don’t look like him now but, when he was back in his prime, I think I definitely look like him.

SUTERA: No…still no.

AD: Um,you know I don’t really know what a young Tom Hanks actually looks like.

PL: If you could play one-on-one basketball against Mr. Sutera, game to eleven, when he was in his prime- (Mr. Sutera cuts in.)

SUTERA: I’m still in my prime.

PL: Okay, well he is in his prime.

SUTERA: Never left my prime.

PL: He never left his prime.

SUTERA: Have you seen me on the pickleball court?

AD: Talking about Pickleball, did you miss the part where Danny and I won the tournament, and we are the best in the sch- (Mr. Sutera cuts him off.)

SUTERA: Please, please.

PL: All right, back to the question. Game to eleven…Who wins?

AD: Well you know…

PL: Keep in mind he is still in his prime.

AD: Yeah, yeah, I know he is in his prime but keep in mind I have an injured hip pointer. Still… eleven to nothing I win.

SUTERA: You see I was going to say that you’d probably beat me because basketball is not my forte. You know I’ll hit the occasional jump shot, grab you a rebound, and hit the open man.

PL: Right, right.

SUTERA: But since he said it’d be eleven to nothing I think I’d have to counter. So when your hip feels better we can play. The challenge has been issued in this forty seven minute interview. This is like a sixty minute interview.

AD: All righ,t I’m a little confused on why he needs to play me once my hip gets better.

SUTERA: I don’t want any excuses on why I didn’t win.

AD: I mean the word ‘win’ coming out of his mouth is really hard for me to listen to.

SUTERA: I am done talking… will let my actions on the court do the talking.

Thank you Anthony and Mr. Sutera.