Hello future Generics,

Congratulations. You’re nearly there. In just a few months, you will be graduating high school, but before we can admit you to Generic University, we must see if you are fit to spend 4 years in a highly competitive environment that will push you to your limit. As of 2015, GenU requires all applicants to submit a transcript from all four years of high school.

To submit your transcripts, you will first have to travel to the Atlantic Ocean. Upon arriving at the Atlantic Ocean, you will have to search up and down, until you find the lost city of Atlantis. After reaching Atlantis you must search every castle until you find the one containing a small wooden chest. You must then open the chest, the code to which will be the number of castles in Atlantis containing exactly twenty bricks on the steeple.

Inside the chest, you will find a small finger prick. You will then be escorted to a waiting dungeon by two GenU employees, where you will be thrown into a prison cell with another undergraduate applicant. After half an hour, a GenU supervisor will come and ask you both what leadership positions you held in high school. If one of you says you are a leader and the other does not, the one who says they are a leader will be set free provided they escort all prisoners out of the dungeon with them, and then write 12 essays of no more than 47 words about what escorting other prisoners free from the dungeon meant to the applicant, and how it impacted the applicant. If both of you claim to have been leaders, you will be required to escort each other out of the dungeon and then write a 3-word essay about why you were a better leader than your fellow student, and why you think you deserve to say you are a leader.

Upon completion and approval of your essay, you will wait outside the dungeon for 30-180 business days while your supplemental is reviewed. While your first submission will be free, if your supplemental is not initially approved, we will require a rewrite from you. Re-submission will cost roughly 1,000,000,000 dollars. Upon approval of your supplemental, you will be given the paper to fill out your transcript. Generic University asks that you use your earlier acquired finger prick to fill out your transcript in blood-any transcript papers filled out using ink or any pencil will not be accepted. After completion of your transcript, we require you to gather your papers, find a way to waterproof them, write a 17-word supplemental about the challenges you faced in waterproofing your papers, and then swim to New York from the exit of the dungeon. After arriving in New York, you must find a red P.O. Box labeled 721. Please keep in mind you may not use any commercial vehicles, i.e. a car, a taxi, a plane, a helicopter, or a bike to find this P.O. Box. We also strictly forbid the use of cell phones.

Once you reach the P.O. Box, you will find it is being guarded by the GenU Dragon, a fire breathing menace who will try to eat you. How do you defeat the GenU Dragon? Well… that is for you to find out! Will you kill the dragon? Tame the dragon? Should you manage to defeat the dragon, we ask you to write a 8-10 word reflection on your experience-your struggle, your strategy for beating the dragon, and how you feel your conquest of the dragon reflects who you are as a person and what you will bring to Generic University. Once you complete your reflection, please put your transcript, along with your prison supplemental, your water supplemental, and your dragon supplemental, and your deposit of exactly 56,000,000,000 dollars into a manila envelope made out of legos that is exactly 10” wide and 13” long, no more, no less. You must then go to the P.O. Box, enter the code (which will have been told to you while in the dungeon), and deposit your envelope. In 20-30 business days, if your manila envelope was properly delivered, you will receive confirmation via carrier pigeon or smoke signal. However please keep in mind that if your envelope is placed into the P.O. Box after exactly 9:34.30 PM on November 26, 2024, it will not be accepted.

We look forward to receiving your responses and we wish you luck.

Sincerely,

Dr. Diane Dean
Dean of Admissions at Generic University