One Big Cry

The journey of premature motherhood isn’t an easy one, as it wore Berryman down both emotionally and mentally.

“The first couple of months was a deep dark depression. For the first month I was never not crying, my whole life was a big cry,” Berryman said. “I was walking around from place to place with tears in my eyes, I could not shake the sadness! That feeling I wouldn’t wish on anybody. It was like walking around with death on you, it was just horrible.”

Kandi tried to cheer Berryman up, visiting the hospital often to check up on Jharid and Berryman. She would talk to Kaleena while she waited at Jharid’s bedside. Kandi made sure to remind Kaleena that the family had her back through her time of need, and that they’d get through it together.  “I also tried to remind her of how special she must be for God to bless her with a baby like Jharid, and that Jharid was destined for greatness,” Kandi said.

Even though her attempts were valid, they did little to fully comfort Kaleena. Berryman still had a lot of feelings running through her, sadness and confusion, but especially guilt. She felt like she failed her child because she was the one responsible for carrying him for ten months, and wasn’t able to do that. These feelings cause her to regret having Jharid. Jharid is now special needs because of his prematurity, and she feels like she caused it.

Due to the problems Jharid has suffered, she is also scared to have another child. She doesn’t want to take a chance, and have to go through the same process all over again.

Overcoming these feelings, and recuperating emotionally took a lot of time. Berryman turned to prayer and religion to make sense of things.

“There’s no easy way to get through it, you just kinda take it day by day. It’s lot of prayer, I’ve never prayed so much in my life. After a while I said ‘okay well if God gave this to me, then it has to be a purpose. Why did he give me this journey?’ Berryman said. “I had to start finding a way to make an impact, and that’s why I began writing and that’s when I started my blog.”